My Mental Health Progress (So Far...)

It is now coming up to October 2019... and what a year it has been.

I believe 2019 is the year where I've grown the most as a woman. I spent the second semester of college unemployed, with recommendation from my doctor. And during that time, I struggled to balance my anxiety regarding money and time, and how I was spending it. I was always so careful with money: a concept of which I am terrified of- fear of losing it, fear of not earning enough, too much. Time was another story for me. I mentioned in another post how I struggled to take time for myself to relax and enjoy life: to meet friends, spend time with family, read a book, play video games, take long walks with my dog and listen to music. Well, from January to May, I forced myself to have fun/relax (I know, a concept so incredibly far-fetched for those who adore a few extra hours to nap during the day). And I did manage my money very well during this time too. 

                     I managed to get a job for the summer. I was petrified starting there. After months of not working, now I'm doing full-time hours. But I got through it, because I thought, "You're okay. You can absolutely do this, just as you did those other jobs." Since then, I earned enough to get a new haircut (and colour!), put money away in my savings account, and splurged on a little getaway to the UK where I thoroughly enjoyed being with my sister and meeting new people, as well as experiencing a new place I had never been before. I managed to fly solo for the very first time. I was absolutely ecstatic with my progress in life. I had never felt so happy. 

                    I went through a breakup in Easter. A relationship of 2 years just gone like that. Not only that, but my first ever relationship. I was devastated, as anyone can imagine. Many others go through this very daunting experience at least once in their lives (unless you're lucky enough to marry your first ever love, or you know... go down the solo adventurer path... you do you!) This occurred around exam time too. I remember going into Uni that Tuesday morning with one of my best friends, Niamh, who was my absolute rock that day. I don't think I would have gone through those first few weeks without her support. So brutal and honest but I love her for that. I tried my best not to cry that day (and the entire week), but the rest of the girls were so supportive. They didn't pressure me to talk about it, they didn't give out to me for crying (thank you again, immensely guys). I remember Katie stroking my head for about half an hour while I napped on the couch while they studied. I remember Katelynn wistfully joking around about unrelated topics to make me laugh. I remember going home to numerous messages of support from Nicole. 

                    I learned how truly beautiful my girls are, inside and out. They were there for me without question or bother. It made me realise how true my friends really are. Which is very unusual for me to be taken aback by, but I did not have many good friends in my primary or secondary school years: not many to be there for me in my darkest times. My little Emily was so brilliant too, listening to me blabber on for hours about pure shite to get my mind off things. To you guys, and to my family: I love you more than you can imagine.

Of course, I regained a lot of my confidence through the dating scene. I adore getting ready for a night out on the town with a gorgeous person across from me. I love getting to know new people and their stories. I love getting to know myself, and what suited me- What kind of person I wanted to spend more time with. In saying this, I didn't get many second dates but that was a case of trial and error. Because that's life! I don't know what will arise from the next person that comes along, but I'm hoping that I am confident that I make the right decision.

I have come out of my comfort zone more times than I can count in just these last nine months. I could not be prouder of myself and what I have become with my accomplishments, no matter how little I have achieved. Even though my anxiety may fall and rise some days, my overall mental health and state of mind has never been more positive. I am ready for 2020, and what it awaits for me. 

To those of you out there still struggling, although a bit cliche to say, life really does get better. It is up to you to build yourself up from the ground, dust yourself off and grow a stronger, happier attitude towards life and the opportunities it presents. The world will be kind to you once you show how lovely you really are. Support others around you and ask nothing in return. Volunteer for those in need. Start up or regain your desired hobbies. Do what makes you happy. Be honest. Love yourself. 

To conclude with a quote from the beautiful Mumford and Sons song, which inspired the name of this blog, Wilder Mind: 

"You can be every little thing you want nobody to know. And you can drown out the street below. And you can call it love...if you want."

Love always, 

Danya x