Taking Time

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time” -Leo Tolstoy

I have learned the hard way how precious time can be. Some of us use our time wisely; strategically organizing each moment and using our free time to perhaps catch up on work, or booking a getaway or simply just taking that time to relax and indulge in that serenity. Others let time slip out of our hands, whether it may be intended or not and we lose track of our responsibilities, crumbling in the mess we put ourselves in in the first place. I have always been the second type. 

             I spend most of my time worrying: "I have 'X' amount of time to submit an assignment/apply for a job/study for that exam"...but I never take those moments to step back and breathe every once in a while. I am in constant agony worrying that no matter what, my time on this earth is short. If I don't spend that time doing something remotely productive, I hang my head in shame and guilt myself into overworking because it just never feels good enough. I don't take time for myself. I can't sit and relax and believe that everything will fall into place when I'm ready to work again. Of course everything is going to be a monstrosity, I think to myself...but it never does. Everything is completely the same. The time I spent 'relaxing' was wasted because I refuse to allow myself to indulge in the moment and allow my worries to slip away. For me, it's incredibly difficult for me to have stress-free, lazy days. For many people it comes easy to them. Sure what's so bad about letting go at times? Everything. I'd respond. And yet I'm not doing myself any favours by letting myself burn out like a candle wick. Everything has an expiration time in my mind. But I'm very slowly (but surely) learning that it is absolutely okay to make time for yourself. It won't kill you to book a holiday away for the weekend. The world won't stop because you want to sleep an extra hour. The universe will still very much be in line even if you take a much-needed day off.

         I'm trying to force myself into the first type of people: the more organized and yet laid-back type. The 'expiry' notion I have can be put to good use. Maybe I'll force myself to place an expiry date for how long I spend studying or working on an assignment. But the most important thing for me is taking a step back sometimes and realize, "okay, now I've done all I can do for today, now it's time for me." I really am trying to disregard my feelings of guilt. I fully understand the consequential outcomes of my actions (or, rather inaction's). I will eventually burn out. I will eventually spiral into another mental breakdown. I just have to keep reminding myself how important it is that I remain mentally sound. If anything, a good break is exactly what my mind and body needs. I'm already working on putting good, nutritious food into my body, I'm already exercising regularly again to shed weight and obtain a healthy heart...but now it's time to nourish my soul. My new houseplants are keeping me sane and I'm taking up baking again. I think that's a good start. Maybe I'll even take up painting again. 

For those of you like me out there, who constantly worries about wasting time, know that apart from those responsibilities you have on your back, none of your time spent carrying out those endless tasks will be worth it if you don't come out of it smiling in the end. Take time for yourself and be proud of your progress. We are only human at the end of the day and we need comfort and care. Don't guilt yourself any longer. You absolutely deserve to have fun every once in a while.

“We must use time wisely and forever realize that the time is always ripe to do right.” 

-Nelson Mandela

Love always, 

Danya x