Let it Out.

I've noticed something quite extraordinary the last 10 or so years with my mental health. Not just for myself but with people all around me, including you, the reader. 

Older generations and the youth of today never seem to allow themselves to feel. When things go south, we push the bad thoughts to the back of our minds to be revisited later. This is probably why many of us are attending counselling or therapy later in life: we never learned to express our emotions or feelings in a healthy way. When we go out and celebrate good news, most of us take copious amounts of drugs or drink until we can no longer feel. I, personally can never seem to relax on my days off because my mind is packed with "I should be getting work done...I can't skip my workout today...Get out of bed, 7 hours is more than enough sleep." Of course, not everyone's mind works this way, but many of us struggle to handle rejection, frustration, infatuation. It feels like a swollen balloon in our minds, and we panic. Why? Why can we never seem to relax or process our emotions at a given time? Why are so many young people still suffering with mental health issues? Isn't it our generation that learned it was okay to talk about our feelings, as opposed to our parents and grandparents before us? 

We were never given the tools to control our thoughts. We were never taught that it is perfectly okay to process things a bit longer than "normal". When we feel really low and unmotivated, struggling to get out of bed and face the world, we go to work. We go to class, we meet friends: the last thing we would ever want in that moment. We rarely stop what we're doing and allow ourselves to feel. We carry on with our lives as usual, continuing to bury the bad thoughts. Pushing them aside for a later time sounds like a good idea in that moment, but it brings about far worse repercussions. One minute, we ignore it. The next minute, it's months, maybe even years later, and we find ourselves sitting with a doctor, or counselor, attempting to evaluate years of traumatic events we so continue to ignore. 

While it may sound dramatic to some, it is an unfortunate reality many young people face. I've been through it, close friends of mine and family members have been through it. I had to learn the hard way from a very young age to let it out sooner, rather than later. Here's the kicker: it will hurt like a motherfucker. Facing our problems is rarely an easy task. You'll begin to unravel years of hatred, sadness, regret against events or people you would have never expected. What do we do when the bad thoughts creep up and we finally face them, even for a moment? We panic. We lash out. We cry. We cringe. We ache. We find ourselves clinging onto every last moment of it like we can't escape. We begin obsessing over the things we should not have said or what we should have. We are haunted by memories of people we lost. We can't imagine life without them. We relive moments we want to run away from, and those we want to run back to. And we feel entirely lost. Empty. Worthless. We feel judged by people around us who simply don't understand. We're told to "get over it", "get out of bed", "cop onto yourself", "it's only a bad day", "it's not even that bad."

All we want is to hide away from the world: we can choose to repress or express how we really want to feel. And that is okay, so long as you and others are safe.

Men are generally judged for conveying their emotions to the world. It is far more acceptable for women to cry or lash out, or rather "overreact". But if we never react, what are we then? We're given a badge of honour of sorts for choosing not to bother or waste time of others with our problems. But not all of us can deal with our emotions solely. Many of us need a safety net; whether that be through pets, sports, hobbies, talking with close friends or family. We somehow forget that we are only human at the end of the day. Like many animals, we need shelter, food, water (sometimes, we even crave a mate...or two) and most of all, we crave companionship and love and comfort. So, why is it that we struggle to give that to ourselves? We can't always be happy, and with that, we can't always be sad or angry. Why do we struggle so much with obtaining balance? Why can't it be socially acceptable for us to take days off for ourselves and let it all out? Why can't we play songs of heartbreak during a bad breakup or fight, and cry it out? Why do many of us struggle to handle our anger and frustration, and stoop to mentally or physically harming ourselves and/or others? Overall, why are we so hard on ourselves constantly? Do we lack motivation or empathy? None of us really ever want to be and remain depressed, so why do we counteract that by pretending that everything is alright, when it clearly isn't? Why do we fake it until we make it? Why is that socially acceptable?

Remember: nothing in life necessarily has a time limit. We can still get worked up over the death of a pet ten years on. We can still feel pain and loss thinking of an ex even after a year. We can spend more than a day crying over a lost opportunity. Each and every one of us feels in a unique way and we should never feel ashamed of it. I would consider myself to be more sensitive than most people, but I am only recently accepting that that's just the way I express myself. In contrast, a very good friend of mine would consider herself to be less sensitive than most people and has always considered that to be perfectly okay, but she panics when she starts to breakdown or cry because it is almost foreign to her. When she cries, I console her and remind her that it is okay to continue getting worked up over her breakup even after a couple of months. In contrast, when I stand up for myself, without much thought or feeling at all, she reassures me that it's okay to be cut-throat every once in a while.

If you, the reader or somebody you know personally is bottling up emotions or struggling to express them in a healthy way, I have comprised some tips and tricks I've learned by counselors, family members, friends and articles/forums I've come across. Suppression is a dangerous method of dealing with our pain. It does far more harm than good and can cause serious, long-term implications of isolation, loneliness, depression, anxiety and feelings of complete worthlessness. Furthermore, implementing newer and more problems piling atop of another. It is truly a destructive habit, but it can be broken.

1. Check in on yourself every once in a while

Take a step back sometimes when you feel particularly overwhelmed; ask yourself why you feel the way you do. Why did that particular negative comment tick you off? Why am I feeling it days later? Were there other aspects of that day that I allowed to go over my head? How did I feel before the comment was made? 

Accept and understand your emotions. Empathize with yourself and others. Consider the circumstances surrounding that day, week or month. Vulnerability is nothing to be ashamed of. Rather, it makes us stronger to embrace our feelings, as opposed to denying them. 

When you open your heart, you become more approachable to those around you. Take the time to evaluate your thought processes and consider how you want to convey that emotion.

2. Write! (or draw)

Some people find it easier to write down a pro's and con's list or draw mind maps to make things easier. I've always found it a good idea to write down names of people you enjoy being with or things that make you happy. Write down a number beside the person or thing from 1-5 or 1-10 etc on how happy they make you feel or how much comfort they bring you. Think about how you would feel if you were crying or panicking, and that person approached you. Do they make you feel better or worse? I've also been advised to keep a diary and document my days. You can do this through a bullet journal, a mood or meditation app, etc. Sometimes when we get worked up, we can't think straight. It helps to see it written down in front of you. It makes things easier to understand. 

3. Take up a physical (or mental) activity 

Go for walks or runs with friends or pets, set up a gym membership, join a club or society, learn to swim or ride a bike. Or, if you prefer, start a crossword or Sudoku, build a replica model or start a jigsaw puzzle! Read a book or write a short story or novel. Our minds get overwhelmed at the best of times. It's always good to have a distraction.

4. Get help

Whether that be professional, or through loved ones. If you have trouble speaking up, talk to yourself, or a photo or to a pet. It may sound silly, but a problem shared aloud will always be a problem halved. Even if it doesn't feel that way in that particular time. 

If you are deeply struggling and find yourself having constant intrusive thoughts, if you have harmed yourself or others and/or you're struggling to sleep at night, having chest pains or migraines for most of the day/week, seek professional help to a health centre or counselling service within your jurisdiction. Remember, they are there to guide you in the right direction. They are not there to judge you or make you feel inferior. They are trained to provide you with the appropriate assistance for you. Whatever way you might feel going in, they have seen many other people like you. You are never alone.

Put an end to the stigma. 

Let us start (and continue) to allow ourselves to feel.

Let us never be ashamed of our hurt and our pain.

Whatever we may feel, we all go through tough times at some point in our lives. 

Take care of yourself and others.

Love always, 

D x